Why Are All the Hapa Kids Sitting Together?

Today's post is from Jeremy Adam Smith, senior editor of Greater Good magazine and author of The Daddy Shift, forthcoming from Beacon Press in spring 2009. He blogs about the politics of parenting at Daddy Dialectic, where this post, in a slightly different form, originally appeared.

Three weeks ago I went to pick up my son, Liko, from preschool and found his class gathered outside the school, waiting for the mommies and daddies.

Something struck me: The white girls huddled in one group and the white boys in another.

Where was Liko? He and his three other part-white/part-Asian classmates, boys and girls, were off to one side, hanging out with each other. (A note on demographics: Since this is a Jewish Community Center preschool, a majority of the kids, including the half-Asian ones, have at least one Jewish parent; there are no black or Latino kids in his class. I should also note here that the white/Asian mix is very, very, very common in San Francisco, as it is in Hawaii, where my wife grew up.)

Now, my perception has to be taken with a grain of salt. When it comes to sources of social tension like race, adults see what they're prone to see, and I'm no exception.

But this morning we had a parent-teacher conference and his teachers (one Jewish, one Asian, incidentally) unknowingly confirmed my suspicion: Liko and his Hapa classmates have indeed formed a posse. ("Hapa" is a Hawaiian word for half and half, usually meaning white/Asian. I would actually characterize my son as being "a little bit of this and a little bit of that," but I have no idea how to say that in Hawaiian.)

The teachers didn't put it that way; instead they said, "Liko really enjoys playing with O., A., and L. and they engage in lots of fun activities like...etc." I was the one who privately noted the racial mix of the posse.

I thought about bringing this up in the meeting, but I decided against it. I guessed (wrongly?) that the teachers would greet my observation in a defensive way, as though something bad is going on in their classroom.

But I don't think that at all. I think what's happening is normal and healthy, and I have absolutely, positively no problem with it.

A couple of months in my personal blog, I reported on new research into kids and race: kids do notice race from an early age; by the age of three, they will start sorting themselves into racial groups; it's not unusual or unhealthy for children to gravitate toward the familiar; studies find that kids "who recognize these kinds of differences from an early age show a stronger general ability to identify subtle differences between categories like color, shape, and size--which, in turn, has been linked to higher performance on intelligence tests."

Knowing of this research is a comfort to me, and should be to all parents, I think.

This doesn't mean that Liko and I, and all of us, aren't facing a perilous racial landscape. Racism is a system of privilege based on race, one that still shapes our society. As Beverly Daniel Tatum points out in her 1998 book, Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?, when racial segregation combines with cultural misinformation and inequalities of power, the results are toxic for individuals, institutions, and cultures.

Like does indeed usually attract like, but prejudice is not the inevitable result. Other, considerably less innocent and natural, factors are in play. It's us adults, not the kids, who are responsible for the stereotypes and the power.

There are lots of things children do that we as adults help them to grow out of. We teach them to share, and to say please and thank you, and how to clean up after themselves, and how to cross the street, and much more. All of these lessons are a struggle; our kids resist every step of the way, until they don't. This is just one more item on that list. No need to hyperventilate, no need to feel guilty.

I'm not going to tell Liko, or anyone else's kids, who to play with, but I will do my best to help him expand his world, and try to help him see through stereotypes, and, when he gets old enough, fight against power imbalances. That's what counts the most, or so I believe.

You may also be interested in Jeremy Adam Smith's previous post about being a dad in uncertain times; and Barbara Katz Rothman's post about Barack Obama's mixed heritage.

Comments

[PJ]

My daughter, May, is half Chinese and 7 years older than her baby all-Anglo brother who has worshiped her from the day she first peered into his crib. When my son was a baby in nursery school, he inevitably sought out and bonded w/ Asian children. Finally when he was old enough to answer, I asked him, "Why do you like Robert (his newest Asian playmate) so much?"
"Because he has sleepy eyes like May," my son replied. We love what we know. We have to get to know in order to love. That is all.

[Jeremy Adam Smith]

That's a beautiful response, and I love that phrase, "sleepy eyes." Thank you.

[Roxane a.k.a. Momo-Mama]

Just stumbled across your blog and I really thank you for your insightful posts!

As a hapa woman (married to a hapa man with two hapa kids) I think that your observation that this racial "divide" is normal, is very accurate.

I am personally and professionally very interested in racial identity development and I love Beverly Tatum's book. I think she does an amazing job of rooting out the causes of self segregation in childhood and provides us with many options for leveling the educational and social landscape.

[Jerry Iglowitz]

Dear Mr. Smith,

This may be a backhanded way to reach you, but my children are mixed race as well. One of my daughters, Chenin-Blanc Iglowitz, contracted refractory Lymphoma which has resisted 2 chemotherapy regimens. I am asking for any kind of help you might offer as far as strategy for mixed ethnic donors. Mixed ethnic donors account for only 2% of the worldwide donor pool which was searched for my daughter yielding zero matches.

It is in every multiethnic's own self interest to be typed, as, according to the National Cancer Society's statistics, each of us stands a 40% lifetime probability of contracting the disease. This translates to overy 100% odds that some loved one will contract the disease. Marrow transplants enable much stronger treatments. It is in all our interests to expand the bank significantly -and especially those whose background is mixed.

No lecture, just a humble plea for help.

Thanks,

Jerry Iglowitz

[amy]

I feel that we all live in a world full of anger, hatred/ resentment of races.The heart always tells the language of truth."This too shall pass".Gratitude /karma has the amazing ability to bounce off/reflect the things we're grateful for so that we have even more things to be grateful for.Protecting what I know, will make points w/ the powers that be.Later, I will be rewarded.Friends/family who don't know they need help are those we all should take care of first.
Not ruling out aspects that others have found too hard to tackle!Careful calculations combined w/ personal charm makes me a person of influence in my own quiet way!Have magnetism.United we stand-together!My ambition knows no bounds!Great problem
solver,behind the scenes progress.Also, time for a Thanks! Someone in my world, is quietly in my corner!